Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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