I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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