fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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