I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i already hear my dad disowning me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
