you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
