pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
