Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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