Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
