I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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