party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
