i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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