You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I just sharted jello shots
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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