I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
