Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The air taste purple.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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