So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
