I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
