Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
