Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
