I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize