So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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