my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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