No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
