he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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