mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize