after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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