I cannot find my penis.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
