I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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