Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
