the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
