somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
