Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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