Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
