I seem to have left my pride at pride
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
