I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize