for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
