Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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