she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
