i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize