I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This baby is an asshole
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
