So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
