But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
