So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
