my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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