help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
