I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
