Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
