Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i now understand why vodka
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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