You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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