If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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