I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize