Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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