She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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