I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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