im six kinds of drunk right now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
