hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
