hell yes lets make some ravioli
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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