i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
