Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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