Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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