Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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