My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
