It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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