I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
