But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
