she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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