"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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