dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize