she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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