i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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