i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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