I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
