there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I skipped work to stalk him.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
