I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize