when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
