worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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