I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
