Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
