i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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