i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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