dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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