My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
