Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
