a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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