You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
