Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
