i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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