you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
