All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
