I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
