I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize